Monday, July 27, 2009
Dramatic Change of Heart - part deux
So, where was I before my hard drive crashed and I lost perhaps hundreds of photos that I hadn't gotten around to backing up yet? Oh, yes, a dramatic change of heart.
It was July 14th and I was at my friend Joy's house. I was discussing the two year ordeal I had been going through with Tim about having another baby - my 5th potentially. In short, I didn't want another baby. The adjustment to our 4th baby was rough on our marriage and my 4th baby was DIFFICULT in every possible way. I couldn't imagine a 5th baby. Fear was abounding in my heart. Joy broke through all of that and said,"The Bible does say to submit in this issue."
Pause. "Really? You're right." And then Diane jumps in to wholly support Joy's declaration of truth. Tim wasn't asking me to do anything wrong, per se. I could trust God with this decision. It was a baby, after all. Not a move half across the world or some disease he was going to give me. So, 9 months and 2 days later Daisy was born. I got pregnant MUCH more quickly than I had planned. And Daisy, with her sweet pixie face, is my most affectionate child. She frequently tells me how much she loves me and is delightful and cheerful. She is three, however, so she's needing A LOT of loving discipline these days. What a delightful, spunky girl she is. My "precious Spring flower" I call her. Her name is perhaps my favorite of all my girls' names. I love flowers!
Most surprisingly, my heart had so changed about having children that even though I had started my pregnancy with Daisy thinking it would be my last, it didn't end that way. I didn't see my OB/GYN for my postpartum visit after Daisy was born, so no permanent plans were discussed. After Daisy turned 1 I had the crazy notion of another baby. Julia was very much planned. I was looking forward to this last pregnancy and enjoyed every minute of it. During Julia's pregnancy, though, many difficulties and trials ensued at home. I was sick for most it with a flu, bronchial and asthma issues, and a horribly painful foot condition. I chose a doctor all the way in downtown and didn't relish the monthly drive down there when my last OB was 5 minutes from my house door to door. Because of my "advanced maternal age" I saw a perinatologist too many times all the way in West LA (my choice to go all the way to West LA as opposed to just downtown. I had my reasons, though. I really liked my perinatologist in West LA).
Anyway, the last few weeks of my pregnancy I felt great. Julia was well-positioned in me so I was very comfortable. I remember popping out of bed in the morning with her, as opposed to easing my way out of bed with Chloe and Daisy because I cramped so badly when first getting out of bed in the morning. I remember telling my doctor at my 37 week checkup with Julia that "I feel great! I was clipping my toe nails this morning!" The memory of his bewildered facial expression makes me laugh even today. He's used to his 37 weekers complaining "How much longer? When can I have this baby? Can I be induced? I can't sleep at night" and on and on. Not me. I really felt good and was so enjoying those last few weeks of feeling Julia move inside me knowing I would never experience this again. I knew all too well that once she was born the outstretched arms from 5 older sisters, Dad, family and friends would be all too willing to hold her. I wished I had waited a little longer to have her. I probably could have held off a couple of days. But, alas, she was healthy when she was born and not premature in any way. I have so enjoyed her this past year. I have so many memories of holding her close and just feeling her sweet little body against mine and thanking God that I got just one more baby. Such feelings of love are hard to duplicate. So, my dramatic change of heart about one baby led to two babies! So, I've decided on another change of heart and it came rather unexpectantly, too. But it's late now and I'll have to continue this post later.