Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Sweet Spring of 2007

This picture was taken several weeks ago at Easter. Have I ever elaborated on how DIFFICULT it is to get a family of eight to pose for one, JUST ONE!, decent picture?(Have you noticed all my gray hair?! Ugh...) Anyway, you may be wondering why I would blog abut Springtime two years ago. Well, because the memories of that Spring are floating through my mind these days. I was going to write about them in my computerized journal, but wanted to blog about it instead.
So, 2 years ago Chloe started at Field Elementary in their pre-school class.She had just been cleared by PUSD as a special ed student and pre-school had been deemed necessary for her. I was ecstatic about that. Field Elementary is close by to my house and the starting time was 8:30. The teachers were very nice,the facility was educationally-rich, and I loved the vibe of the school. I was just beginning to leave Elena home with my other children for short trips and the freedom was liberating. Chloe had started at San Gabriel Medical Center in their outpatient speech therapy program with a seasoned and wonderful speech therapist in January of 2007. I was relieved about that. Daisy had weaned herself around this time which enabled me to start eating dairy foods and I was thrilled about that. Our Duarte home had finally been sold, our refi on our main property had gone through, and I was starting to sew more which I very much enjoy. I also had this crazy, but exciting notion that I wanted another baby. Imagine that! The Fall several months earlier had been one of the weightiest, most challenging seasons I have ever gone through. But, by Spring of 2007, all those issues had been pretty much resolved and taken care of. I felt so many burdens lifted and I love Springtime. Spring of 2007 was very sweet indeed. Just reflecting on that time makes me happy and hopeful. Maybe another season like that is upon me. Oh, please, Lord, even half the joy of that season would be welcomed....
One year later in the Spring of 2008 I was pregnant. Most of that Spring I was quite sick, stressed out, and exhausted. Tim was exploring different job changes and we were not in agreement with our overall mortgage situation on our rental property and our main home. I was overseeing fairly involved remodeling projects in two of our rental units and the company working for me needed some strong-arming and legal threatening. was miserable. My upcoming labor and delivery weighed on my mind as well as preparing for a sixth child. I was very sick with bronchial issues and some asthma attacks, as well as a debilitating foot condition called plantaar fasciitis. I could barely walk some mornings. I was also driving twice a week to Cal State LA for Chloe's speech therapy as well as once a week in town and I was exhausted at all the hours spent (6 per week between driving and sitting in on her appts.) The curriculum I had chosen for my older girls was very difficult and uninspiring. However, I was enthusiastic about planting my pumpkins and prenatal visits with my doctor were fun - we always laughed about various things and talked about gardening.(Funny people are such a gift to me. I really appreciate people who make me laugh. My friend Stephanie always makes me laugh. We have a similar sense of humor and I really appreciate her!)
Anyway, now here I am a year later and it is Springtime of 2009. Humh....I'm feeling better. The storm of grief and tears after Julia's birth seems to be slowly passing by. The clouds are beginning to clear a little and I'm so relieved. I'm looking forward to summer time and planning my girls' school year for Fall of 2009. I love planning for school. My future feels bright and that's all that matters to me now. I'll keep you posted.
Oh, and by the way, I did apologize to the bus driver. It was the right thing to do. I was told by the teacher who calmed me down that she felt really bad about the whole thing. Funny, she never expressed that to me. I did the right thing, though, and my conscience is clear. Hallelujah!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Yelling at the Bus Driver

Since I write this blog for myself, I figure it's not a big deal if I haven't posted anything in the last 5 weeks. I like to blog about things that interest me and allow me to exercise my creative writing muscles. I typically like to post something every week or so. The last 5 weeks have been, well, difficult....How can I describe it? I don't know....Spring Fever? The result of sleep deprivation for about 9 months now? Trying to process the past couple of years having babies, remodeling projects, owning and managing rental property, relational challenges of various sorts? I don't know. Anyway, I'm feeling a little better now.
Although, I yelled at my kids' bus driver today. I arrived at the bus stop yesterday with all my kids in the car in 100 degree weather at 2:52. I had some important errands to run and was trying to beat bad traffic on the 210 Eastbound. The bus driver usually shows up at 2:55 or later. She had shown up earlier yesterday and only waited 1 minute for me. "I thought you wouldn't show up" she told me today when I confronted her. Now, granted, I have missed the bus 2 or 3 times since shool began. Not 2 or 3 times a week or a month, 2 or 3 times TOTAL. I was mad that she automatically assumed the worst about me when that is not my pattern - to negligently not "show up" to pick my kids up from the bus stop. I threatened to report her if it happened again. Another teacher responsible for getting the kids on the bus safely got my attention and pulled me aside. She was trying to protect my privacy, she said, and she was very good at calming me down. She told me to call her tomorrow and talk to her about the bus schedule. I appreciated her skill at calming me down. Diplomacy and level-headedness are very useful qualities at a time when two people are arguing.
It is so rare for me to get mad and yell at a virtual stranger like that. It was upsetting to wait 20 minutes for my kids, leave my older daughter near the bus stop to see if the driver might show up again, and then go to the school looking for my kids. It was really upsetting to go on a wild goose chase because the bus driver was early, wouldn't wait till the usual drop-off time, dropped my kids off at the school for them to wonder where Mom was, and assumed the worst about me. Still, I shouldn't have gotten angry and yelled at her. I suppose I'll swallow my pride at HOW I handled my anger. I shouldn't have yelled and I will tell her that I could've handled the situation without yelling and threatening her. I still will report her if it happens again, but my tone was threatening and punitive and that wasn't good. Ugh....trying to do the right thing and learn from all my experiences SUCKS! I hate having to be a mature grown up. It's not fair!
So, I will continue to cry out to God and ask that he help me please him in all things. I want a clear conscience and to know that to the best of my ability I've tried at every turn to be a peacemaker, to have integrity, and to reflect my Lord and Savior in every situation. I've found that when this is my aim, and that it's more important than anything, I have a clear conscience, a lighter heart, and more joy. Guilt and failures in relationships and life circumstances that are unresolved are such heavy weights that I don't have the emotional muscles to carry.
Oh well, enough philosophizing for today. I'm off to get a Diet Coke. Life is simply better with my large Diet Coke ("light ice, please").