Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Yelling at the Bus Driver

Since I write this blog for myself, I figure it's not a big deal if I haven't posted anything in the last 5 weeks. I like to blog about things that interest me and allow me to exercise my creative writing muscles. I typically like to post something every week or so. The last 5 weeks have been, well, difficult....How can I describe it? I don't know....Spring Fever? The result of sleep deprivation for about 9 months now? Trying to process the past couple of years having babies, remodeling projects, owning and managing rental property, relational challenges of various sorts? I don't know. Anyway, I'm feeling a little better now.
Although, I yelled at my kids' bus driver today. I arrived at the bus stop yesterday with all my kids in the car in 100 degree weather at 2:52. I had some important errands to run and was trying to beat bad traffic on the 210 Eastbound. The bus driver usually shows up at 2:55 or later. She had shown up earlier yesterday and only waited 1 minute for me. "I thought you wouldn't show up" she told me today when I confronted her. Now, granted, I have missed the bus 2 or 3 times since shool began. Not 2 or 3 times a week or a month, 2 or 3 times TOTAL. I was mad that she automatically assumed the worst about me when that is not my pattern - to negligently not "show up" to pick my kids up from the bus stop. I threatened to report her if it happened again. Another teacher responsible for getting the kids on the bus safely got my attention and pulled me aside. She was trying to protect my privacy, she said, and she was very good at calming me down. She told me to call her tomorrow and talk to her about the bus schedule. I appreciated her skill at calming me down. Diplomacy and level-headedness are very useful qualities at a time when two people are arguing.
It is so rare for me to get mad and yell at a virtual stranger like that. It was upsetting to wait 20 minutes for my kids, leave my older daughter near the bus stop to see if the driver might show up again, and then go to the school looking for my kids. It was really upsetting to go on a wild goose chase because the bus driver was early, wouldn't wait till the usual drop-off time, dropped my kids off at the school for them to wonder where Mom was, and assumed the worst about me. Still, I shouldn't have gotten angry and yelled at her. I suppose I'll swallow my pride at HOW I handled my anger. I shouldn't have yelled and I will tell her that I could've handled the situation without yelling and threatening her. I still will report her if it happens again, but my tone was threatening and punitive and that wasn't good. Ugh....trying to do the right thing and learn from all my experiences SUCKS! I hate having to be a mature grown up. It's not fair!
So, I will continue to cry out to God and ask that he help me please him in all things. I want a clear conscience and to know that to the best of my ability I've tried at every turn to be a peacemaker, to have integrity, and to reflect my Lord and Savior in every situation. I've found that when this is my aim, and that it's more important than anything, I have a clear conscience, a lighter heart, and more joy. Guilt and failures in relationships and life circumstances that are unresolved are such heavy weights that I don't have the emotional muscles to carry.
Oh well, enough philosophizing for today. I'm off to get a Diet Coke. Life is simply better with my large Diet Coke ("light ice, please").

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