"I'm a S***head and other Tales of Summer Adventures"

My happiest summer picture in a field with cows nearby sitting in natural hot springs

      So, my French exchange student left today. She had been here for 5 weeks and I struggled to relate to her. She was guarded and aloof and hardly ever said thank you. I complained about her a lot and it drove my daughters nuts. Towards the end of her stay, she overheard my comments. When I walked her to the customs gate at the airport, she seemed almost tearful, and I wasn't sure why. When I was driving home with my daughter Julia, she told me that Louise had overheard my negative comments about her and that she was really hurt. Ohh...snap! I talked to two daughters about my shitty attitude later and my mistake in even having an exchange student. My expectations were not met and it was so hard having a girl who almost never said thank you and didn't emote in many ways at all. She had a closed off energy about her and it was just...hard. I wish I had known earlier in the day because I would have talked to her about it and expressed my concern that she hadn't seemed happy and that I was wrong to expect her to be different than her natural personality. She's only 16, as well, so really - give the girl a break. 

     I was mistaken in not asking my girls opinion about even having an exchange student this summer - they were most going to be affected by her visit. They would have discouraged me against it and I should have listened. Five weeks was too long and the gamble with a girl I didn't know was too risky for what has shaped up to be one of the most trying, heart-wrenching and difficult summers of my life. 

     I'm really struggling and I had an anger outburst in Mammoth and had to apologize for getting so angry at Daisy and Seda. Louise heard the whole thing and I just felt bad about everything. How do I not get myself into these types of situations? The worries and pressures I was facing in addition to a vacation with 5 other young women when I just wanted to enjoy the beauty of the mountains and lakes and streams and fresh air....I need to rethink my vacations and who I take on them. No more exchange students. Every person needs to pay a fair price and logistics about cars need to be hammered out. 

     And I need to pray about all of these details and being very willing to readily let go of things that "sound good" but that may overextend me and tax me too heavily. I have limits and I get exhausted and I have surprise trials that really take me by surprise and take me down emotionally. I have to accept my limitations and surrender my ambitions and desires to God.

     Oh, Lord, please bring comfort and peace to that French girl. I sent a French and English apology to her with the help of an AI tool via Instagram through Julia's account. I so hope she sees it and feels that it is sincere and genuine. I really mean that from the bottom of my heart.




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