It was November 8, 2020 and I was walking into Wal-Mart early Sunday morning. I felt a sharp sensation as my finger touched my wedding band. What was that? I looked down and there was a crack in the outer band of my wedding ring. I tried to twist it off my finger but found it too sharp for the fingers trying to remove it. Soap in the Wal-Mart bathroom did nothing to help slide it off either. I finished my shopping and went home - or that is, to the home we had just moved into the day before in Arcadia. Our house in Sierra Madre had sold in 10 days for full asking price with an all cash offer. We tried to get out of the sale, having changed our mind that there was no bidding war and that the price had not gone higher, but we could not. We moved out about two weeks later.
It was a long, grueling move. We only had two hired helpers and it was a rainy day. It took all day long, but finally, we were moved out and the Sierra Madre house was cleaned. I was exhausted from the move, but needed to get some things from Wal-Mart the next day because I was scheduled to work on Monday morning. When I arrived back home, I tried in futile pursuit to remove that ring, but the sharpness cut into my other fingers. I knew I had to go to Urgent Care.
It took three people and a huge tool from REI to cut and twist those two thick gold inner and outer bands off my finger. I remember the PA holding my arm up to reduce the swelling and so facilitate the removal of the ring. The two nurses and one tech pushed, pulled, yanked and finally got that ring off my finger. They handed it to me and I looked at it all twisted up and open. I said my thank yous and walked out the door.
"You are free to go. So tightly have you held on to your marriage that it took three people, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, to set you free. I want you to know that I have done this; you had no part in the end of your marriage." I was a little puzzled by the impression, but knew that it meant something. I doubted that I had heard accurately.
Two weeks later Tim came to me and told me he wanted a divorce. I was shocked and said, "Why don't we go to counseling? We have the money now to afford a really good counselor." Tim solemnly and with no expression shook his said. His mind was made up and our marriage was over. I was part stunned and part elated. I know what the Bible says about letting an unbelieving spouse leave a marriage if they want to go; let them! God had heard my desperate cries to deliver me from such a miserable, painful and hopeless marriage. I had brought up divorce when we were cleaning out and fixing up our house to sell it about a month prior. My heart had been utterly broken when Tim sided with Elena in a disagreement she and I had. His lack of support and care for me was more than I could bear. I told him the marriage was over. He didn't say anything. And he said nothing when I told him a few days later that I didn't want to divorce him because of how devastating that would be to our finances and the kids college money. He said nothing, just waited till after everything got settled in our new rental home.
Several weeks later I appealed to him again about a divorce eating up the money we had gotten out of the sale of our house in a divorce and two separate households, as opposed to our children's education. He listened to me and appeared deflated, but didn't say a word. The tension in the months to come was palpable, even when he spent weeks at a time up north helping his elderly mother out. The boiling point came several months later when he yelled at me and came very close to my face. He was so angry and I knew: let him go. It still took me a couple of weeks later to approach him and ask him if he wanted to still be married to me, if he still had feelings for me as his wife. The answers were yes and no, respectively. I clarified and repeated the conversation just to make sure he was sure. He was sure.
Thirteen months later, at the end of July 2022, I got the notification from the court that the divorce was final. It wasn't a happy moment then and it still isn't now. However, I am much happier and freer in so many ways. Tim and I are good friends and we are kind to one another. He is remarried and I am single. I love the peace of mind, heart and soul I have being single, but early post-divorce dating foolishness wounded me deeply these last two years. I'm not sure if I'll find someone, but I do miss physical closeness, intimacy and the companionship that comes along with marriage on the better days.
For now, I'm content and trusting God for whatever and whomever he has for me. I just noticed that the indent on my ring finger has finally lessened to where you would never know from my ring finger that I was ever married for almost 30 years.
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