Sunday, March 20, 2011

It's Been Awhile...

     I don't even know where I'm going with this post. I have been overwhelmed with helping Leanne and her friend, "C" work on their History Day LA poster with "C"'s mom for the last few weeks. S*t*r*e*s*s*f*u*l. The big day was last Saturday,  March 12th. I'm relieved and happy to be done with it.It was a helpful learning experience for Leanne. She was disappointed she didn't make the team to represent Los Angeles County in San Jose in May. "Oh well. You win some, you lose some," I told her. She got over it pretty quickly.
     I haven't been very inspired to write about much on this little blog of mine. Spring weather has been marvelous lately. I've been planting some flowers and bulbs recently. We'll see what comes up. I'm hopeful. Spring Break is coming up in mid-April for us. I'm planning some day trips here and there. Really, though, life is rather "ho-hum."
     And then temptation begins to sneak in like one of my kids scurrying out of my room while trying to hide their chocolate-smeared face after they found and pillaged my "hidden" chocolate stash. (Why oh why can't I find a kid-proof chocolate-hiding place?!) They think they're getting away with it but chocolate drool is brown on their white faces! "Gotcha' ya!" Most of the time, though, I find the wrappers left on the floor or in the drawer or beside the couch.
     But I digress. The temptation that I face these days is d#i#s#c#o#n#t#e#n#t#m#e#n#t. I begin researching my next career and how to get there from here after my kids are in school. Let's see....what strikes my fancy? And then I think more clearly about how much I really want to home school my younger children and see Elena and Camille through graduation from our church homeschooling academy. I think about the engaging and enriching curriculum I want to do with Leanne. I wrestle about which year I'll bring her home from school. Sixth grade? Eighth grade? Next month? No kidding. She has told me about name-calling girls at school and girls who are apparently  stealing, too. I will be bringing it up to her teacher early this week. Oh, the drama.
     And the restlessness in my soul. I really must discipline my thoughts to focus on "today" and be faithful to what I need to do in this moment. My mind wanders toward the past and ponders the future. I'm missing out on today. I know this is true. So, I must be present with my kids, doing my housework, making dinner, in conversations with my older girls or Tim.
     More than anything, though, what I think is key is to remember to keep looking to Jesus. To be honest with him. To realize I probably have the Springtime Blues. It's such beautiful weather and everything is in bloom. I should be happy. Why am I not deliriously happy? Why don't my moods match the beauty I see around me? Or something like that.
     My plan for tomorrow is to ask God first thing in the morning: "What's my assignment for today? Who and what do I need to focus on? What tasks do I need to accomplish? Which child or friend needs extra encouragement and care today? What words and gestures should I share to encourage and build up someone else today?" Nothing like looking outside myself to be reminded about what's really important.
     And it's really not about me at all. What a relief!


foutfolk said...

Repeat after me . . . I am happy, I am happy. . . . :)

I find that when I am "bothered" (because I am usually NEVER unhappy) it is because I want something I do not have, or I want something done that is not done. Lately I have been able to identify what it is and then decide that it really isn't something that I need to be bothered about. But, the feeling is still there. So, I say to myself, "I am bothered . . . Oh well" and then go get into something to do. I think acknowledging that you are (tired, bored, angry, sad . . . ) feeling something is great. It helps to get on with it. So many times we say we shouldn't be this or that and yet we find ourselves BEING this or that. Agreeing that you are helps you get to the other side of it instead of trying to convince yourself that you are not, or telling yourself that you should not.

For what it's worth. :)

And go eat some more chocolate! It's good for you. :)

19lt70 said...

Ha! I agree that more honest self-disclosure is very helpful at getting past that gnawing irritation and discontentment. And chocolate helps a whole lot.