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Thunderbolt of Courage

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      “You have it all” she said. I reflected on the context in which that statement was made from my therapist. I had described the agonizing decision I had made to send an email which I likened to, “Throwing a grenade into three church offices.” The email detailed descriptions of sexual sin and cruel, unkind behavior on the part of an ordained minister towards me. His refusal to acknowledge the sin we both committed and the immature, selfish way he avoided repentance and biblical reconciliation – several years after the fact – was detailed in that email. I tried so hard to “let it go and move on” but with the lack of any response from pastoral leadership – who should know better - I felt that the next step was to document everything in writing. Hence, the detailed email, complete with biblical references applied to the different actions described in the email.   I ran it through ChatGPT multiple times with various configurations and prompts added. I then re...
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Swooning Over Swans

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      My first fascination with swans was watching the movie "The Notebook." Yes, that famous, tear-inducing movie which artfully and powerfully evoked so much emotion over its dynamic and visceral display of an enduring, passionate and elegant love story. The scene where the two young lovers are in the row boat on the lake filled with swans had the most beautiful music playing in the background. I actually bought the soundtrack and would remember how beautiful that love story was and how I cried with a longing and a renewed tenderness and appreciation for Tim.       That was so long ago. And yet, I still find swans beautiful. In fact, many years later I was visiting Camille in Idaho in February of 2022. We were taking a hike through a snowy wooded area and I noticed swans swimming in a river nearby. I walked closer to the river's snowed-in shore, pulling myself out of sinkholes in the snow, to get a closer look. There they were;  swans in the dar...
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Bucket List Item: Go to a Fancy Ball with a Handsome Man ✓

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     Well, I didn't actually have a date with a handsome man, but I really enjoyed talking with a very handsome man and we danced one dance, too. It was really lovely having nice conversation with him and enjoying his handsomeness. I wasn't a very good dancer, and rather self-conscious about it - and very tired from a brutal week. But, I had fun and it was beautiful on Catalina Island. The venue was historic and majestic in every way. So many people at the ball were dressed in their Roaring 20's gowns and 3-piece suits. It was absolutely marvelous to behold!      Daisy and I had a great time. It was very expensive and I don't think I'll do it again, but I'm so glad it was on my list and that I got to check it off.      Next up - the rodeo in Salinas this summer!  
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My Day "Off"

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 It has been a very busy season. I have had long weeks where I taught and worked my regular job at least 5 days a week. Most locations included long drives which cut into my sleep and free time. Birthday season has been upon us, as well,  with 3 birthdays in 3 weeks. I have made it to most celebrations, but not all. One weekend was Leanne's birthday weekend where she had an out-of-town friend over and they had a party on Sunday evening. By Monday, my only day off that week, the house was a disaster with post-weekend hosting and parties. So, on that precious day off this is what I did: -took the cat to the vet for a follow up appointment then dropped the cat off at home -went to Joann's for clearance quilting fabric and then Costco for groceries -did 5 loads of laundry -cleaned out the refrigerator -cleaned the kitchen -finished Seda's quilt                                       ...
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Immersive Moments of Delight

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      It was mid-January 2025 and I had a bucket list item to "Go to a fancy dress up ball with a handsome man" but I would be able to check off the item with just "Go to a fancy dress ball." Daisy heard me mention this bucket list item and popped up with, "Why don't you go to the Art Deco Ball on Catalina with me and my dance group?" What....is...that...?! It's this! And this! Doesn't that look grand and fancy-dress-ball-bucket-list-check-off worthy?! I think so! I bought the 20's style dress, with matching feather and jewel head band right away as well as some proper dress shoes. My reasoning was that as I saw that beautiful dress hanging in the closet I would be motivated to go to dance classes which would allow me to actually dance - and sort of have fun doing it - while I looked ravishing in my gorgeous green and blue peacock sequined ball gown.      So, my next step was to start aforementioned dance lessons. I could only afford group ...
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These Lovely Ladies of Mine

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     It was Spring Break for Julia from Arcadia High School. I didn't plan any trips with her because I was working my regular job and subbing for a clinical job. I took her to Clocker's Corner at Santa Anita Race Track. We watched the horses at the end of their morning workout and had coffee, eggs and a muffin. We then went to the Arboretum across the street and enjoyed our walk amidst spring blooms everywhere. It was gorgeous!      Camille came into town the following day. We went wedding dress shopping with her and "oohhs" and "aahhs" were heard throughout the wedding dress shop as she tried on various dresses. The dress which won our hearts, however, was a $20 wedding dress which Daisy's boss had and was selling at a vintage clothing fair (the one at the top of this page). It needs some cleaning and alterations, but we loved the tasteful fairy princess vibe it gave off and Camille looked splendid in it.      We celebrated April birthdays ...
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Costly Covenants

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      This past Christmas was quite fabulous in many ways, starting with Christmas Eve. Tim and Josie (Tim's new wife) brought a new karaoke machine for the girls to sing along to. We played games, ate delicious food, laughed and had fun. The next day on Christmas other family came by as well as Josie and Tim. Fun was had by all and we ate heartily, laughed some more, gave gifts and celebrated being together for the holidays...mostly.      While in the kitchen Tim was helping me wash the dishes. We came close to each other in our movements around the kitchen and this ache of familiarity and comfort grabbed at me gently, strongly, so encompassing. How I missed my sweet ex-husband who, despite the grief and heartache of our marriage, had been my friend and companion for decades. In all the ugly, empty, heart-wrenching moments of my marriage, he always remained physically attractive to me.  Amidst the holiday celebrating, my heart ached in missing him. ...
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